What’s the fanciest punctuation?

ALISTER: With the recent £750 billion infrastructure plan and Spending Review, we’re set for an ambitious catalyst for growth. As if investments in transport, clean energy, and housing weren’t exciting enough, we have a £15.6 billion boost for regional transport, long overdue to really connect the nation and keep us moving.

MERIDYTH: Can I please borrow those rose-coloured glasses? It sounds lovely, but what about the here and now? Two-thirds of households still say their cost of living is rising. The Chancellor’s mini-budget and infrastructure dreams sound grand, but families are still reeling from water bills up 26%, energy hikes, and food prices that just won’t settle. Where’s the immediate relief?

ALISTER: Immediate relief increases inflation. It’s basic economics. We can’t just print more money or give everyone a bonus to fix the problem. Infrastructure investment creates jobs, boosts wages, and in the long run, brings down costs. This is a real plan to create cheaper energy bills for millions.

MERIDYTH: But while waiting for tomorrow’s shiny new trains and wind farms, people are struggling to pay today’s bills. The Chancellor’s own figures show only modest growth ahead, and the “headroom” in the budget is wafer-thin. We need more than promises for the future. We need action now.

ALISTER: You’ve got to start somewhere. If we don’t invest, we’ll never break the cycle. The infrastructure plan is the foundation and everything else builds from there.

MERIDYTH: Fine, but let’s not forget the foundation needs to be made of more than dreams. People need help today, not just hope.

🤖 Pause the AI doctors. The biggest AI project in the NHS has been halted. Concerns were raised over using health records for 57 million people without the proper permissions. And now they’ve realised how controversial it is… finally.

💰️ Tightening wallets. The Spending Review has assumed local council taxes will rise by 5% a year. Councils are already facing a financial squeeze. Luckily, there’s a cap of 5% for council tax raises, but Police Precept (aka funding for cops) aren’t limited by the cap and could go up by £14 per year for Band D property.

🚕 No more taxi banter. Another major milestone is coming - driverless “robotaxis” here in the UK. The govt has announced a Uber’s driverless taxi services trial in London for next Spring (with human drivers present as safety nets). A full driverless rollout is scheduled for 2027!

💤 Illegal rough sleeping. Did you know that sleeping on the street is actually illegal? Back in 1824 a law was passed due to a homeless crisis. But now, the law will be abolished by next Spring. The govt promises to focus on the root causes of homelessness.

⛪️ Invest in faith. Church attendance is increasing across the nation. And the Church of England is planning to spend a record £1.6bn over the next three years. They hope to boost clergy wages, enhance cash-strapped local parishes, and maintain the buildings.

Good news… for a British man, who miraculously survived the Air India crash that killed 241 people. Bad news… for Israel after they seized a Gaza aid ship with Greta Thunberg aboard. Also, if you’re travelling to the World Cup next year in the U.S., ICE has advised foreigners to carry proof of legal status.

📱 Digital independence. It’s not just office staff who hate Microsoft Teams, one German state, Schleswig-Holstein, is done with it too. Over the next 3 months, all software used by its civil servants, teachers, and govt will migrate to open source solutions.

🪖 Didn’t you leave? France is blocking Britain from accessing the new massive EU defence fund, designed to encourage members to buy from each other. France is keen to exclude the UK (since you know, Brexit), whilst including Norway and Ukraine.

🗳️ Stolen U.S. elections. No, not from 2020. A new report claims US voting machines were tampered with before the 2024 elections. Journalists uncovered major code modifications with critical infrastructure changes without proper testing and 3rd party oversight. There are indictions that votes weren’t properly counted. But even if proven correct, nothing would change since Congress ratified the election results. Damn. 😩

🚤 Sinking feeling. Venice has a number of issues. First, it’s sinking. Second, it’s hosting Jeff Bezos’ wedding. Considered as a sign of pandering to the rich with its city already overrun by tourists, local Venetians are protesting the wedding.

💋 Careful who you kiss. If your partner is suffering from depression or anxiety, you could show similar symptoms within 6 months. A study found that couples can pass on microbiomes linked to mental health issues through kissing. Even more incentive to keep supporting each other’s mental and emotional health!

🩸 Watch for data leaks. Researchers warn that pregnancy and fertility data is being sold at a frightening scale from period tracking apps. They’re concerned that employers could access data to discriminate against women who are trying to conceive. Also, abusive partners could access to stalk and exert control.

🧬 Designer babies? The CEO of an IVF start-up has sparked public debate and backlash. Their service allows you to pick embryos based on attributes like predicted IQ and height. Is this a form of eugenics?

♟️ How does the horsey move? ChatGPT played chess against the 1MHz Atari 2600 set on beginner level. Guess who lost. ChatGPT was handed a big L after it struggled to remember the rules, how the pieces move, or even know what was going on.

🛰️ Black hole cosmology. New research, based on images from the James Webb Space Telescope, has claimed the Big Bang Theory is incorrect and that the universe is inside a massive black hole, after it was formed following a gravitational collapse.

📺️ Freedom of expression. YouTube has changed their rules. Opening up more controversial content. Videos where the freedom of expression value outweighs the risk of harm will be allowed. How and who will judge this, across nations, is unknown.

By Alister

Is there anything more British than thinly veiled sarcasm?

Channel 4 has always been a bit of an oddball station — from raunchy shows in the early 2000s (you know which ones) to politically incorrect satire. With the world seemingly rolling back DEI initiatives, Channel 4 has decided to reflect on their own stance.

Their non-apology is brilliant - that “diversity, equity and inclusion may have gone far, far too far” in the world’s view, but they’re about creating “change – challenging with purpose, representing unheard voices, and reinventing entertainment.“

As a fan of Channel 4’s line-up and unique set of humour, this feels like the perfect announcement.

By Alister

It’s been a rough few months in the world of news. And pulling together The AM Squabble every week can be a tough reminder of what’s at stake.

However, every now and again there is a shining gem, a sparkling rare moment living among the messy reality of life.

This week I had the sheer unabated joy of discovering the annual Seagull Screeching Contest held in Belgium. Contestants are encouraged to dress up and deliver their best seagull impression, which is judged by a panel of experts and marine biologists. The event’s hosts aim to make people look more favourability on the gulls.

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I’ve been practicing my best gull calls around the flat. I’m unsure if I’m getting any better, much to the annoyance of my missus. 🤪

Whew, you made it!

To Sir David Beckham, Sir Gary Oldman, and Sir Roger Daltrey — Congratulations on your knighthood! Well deserved. Maybe one day you’ll join us for our Squabble.

Alister & Meridyth