Unlegal Sckoolz 🏫

ALISTER: Ministers have landed on a midnight to 6am social media blackout for 16 & 17 yos, on by default and easy to switch off. VPNs continue to be legal, since hardly any teens use them to dodge age checks. Good on paper, but…

MERIDYTH: The govt’s own pilot found overnight blocks are the one rule that families actually keep, and the one that most improved sleep. I’m in for that.

ALISTER: That pilot tested a 9pm to 7am block on 13-17 yos, not a midnight one, and it had no control group nor objective sleep measures. Teens simply front-loaded their scrolling before the cut-off. We’re legislating off a vibe.

MERIDYTH: Fair, the pilot's messy. But the overnight block is just part of a bigger package. Autoplay and personalised feeds switch off too. NSPCC welcomed it. Defaults work because most people never touch them, and for once, that's working for teens.

ALISTER: The aim should be at the people building the platforms. A year into the Online Safety Act, the biggest fines have hit obscure adult sites, while the apps serving harmful content to kids carry on. We’re enforcing bedtimes instead of making Silicon Valley accountable.

MERIDYTH: Do both. Fine the platforms and switch off the addictive design. Parents have enforced bedtime for centuries without declaring martial law. The teenagers who opt out will cope. The ones who never bother will sleep.

Scientists found elephants can voluntarily close their ear canals to hear ground vibrations from ten kilometres away. Basically the reverse of noise cancelling headphones. Share this fact and the AM Squabble with anyone who hates a noisy commute.

⚽ The bronze nobody wanted. England beat France 6-4 in a ten goal World Cup bronze final, squandering most of their 4 goal lead before Jude Bellingham sealed it. Mbappé also became the tournament's all-time top scorer along the way.

🚪 Northern number 10. Andy Burnham secured 379 of 403 Labour nominations to become the UK's next prime minister, arriving in Downing Street largely unknown to voters outside his home city.

🌊 Praise, through gritted teeth. A GB News presenter admitted on air that Labour's boat crossing policy is having an effect, with numbers down roughly 40% on last year. Miracles do happen, apparently.

🌡️ Legal limit on heat. Sadiq Khan is backing calls for a maximum workplace temperature, with unions demanding a thirty degree cap as repeated heatwaves strain schools, hospitals and transport across the country.

💰 No more guessing. New govt plans would force employers to publish salary information on every job advert, aiming to close pay gaps caused by stereotypes when salaries stay hidden.

⛵ Weddings on your terms. The biggest overhaul of marriage law in almost 200 years could let couples marry in pubs, forests or even chartered yachts. Skydiving and rollercoaster weddings remain firmly off the table.

GOOD NEWS… for champions Spain, after beating Argentina in the World Cup Final and continuing “The Trump Curse” (POTUS said he was rooting for Javier Milei’s country). BAD NEWS… for football purists, who were forced to watch a very “Americanised” half-time show featuring Madonna, BTS, Shakira, Justin Bieber, and others.

🚧 Brexit in reverse. After 118 years, Gibraltar's border with Spain is coming down, with the Rock joining the EU travel zone that the rest of Britain spent a decade trying to escape. Somewhere, a Leave voter is very confused.

🇫🇷 France's last hope straw. Elon Musk has publicly backed Marine Le Pen's presidential bid, prompting accusations of foreign interference from French ministers. It’s at least the third European election he has weighed in on.

🧱 Brick by brick. U.S.’s Marco Rubio has vowed to dismantle the International Criminal Court, threatening allies with visa bans and cut aid if they refuse to reject its authority over American officials.

💨 Tariff the smoke. Trump is threatening to raise tariffs on Canada over wildfire smoke drifting into US states. Ontario's premier had one suggestion in response. Send help instead.

📜 Anything less is theft. Australia's PM wants a national AI framework covering power use, water efficiency and creators' intellectual property rights. No country has got it right yet, he says.

🧠 AI knows you too well. Researchers link narcissism to problematic use of generative AI, with a need for status and low tolerance for uncertainty driving the pattern. Somewhat awkward for anyone reading AI summaries right now.

🥤 Stick to water. From April 2027, shops will be legally banned from selling high caffeine energy drinks to under 16s, including Red Bull, Monster and Prime. Roughly a third of children drink one weekly.

🎓 Pack this before halls. NHS pharmacies are now offering free MenB jabs to new university students, given shared accommodation makes the disease far easier to catch. Two doses, ideally sorted before term starts.

✈️ Sky writing, sort of. A Liverpool test pilot got so bored during a routine flight that he spelled out I am bored across the sky using his flight path. Plane spotters clocked it immediately. Skilful flying, questionable decision making.

🎬 AI in the credits. Netflix has confirmed AI tools were used in around 300 shows and movies so far this year, mostly in post production for crowds and battle scenes it says would otherwise have been cut.

🕶️ Anti-AI fashion. Designers are selling clothes with patterns designed to confuse facial recognition cameras, one designer previously mistaken for making bank robbery masks.

By Alister

Four years of near constant service, and my tower fan chose the middle of a heatwave to die. I tried everything, which mostly meant switching it off and on again, and then I let it go.

Replacing it was its own ordeal. Everything decent is sold out, wildly overpriced, or only available through Amazon, which I was determined to avoid. Then I found a misting fan built for the garden and bought it for my bedroom, because I am a serious adult who makes measured decisions.

It arrived within days, works with Home Assistant, and the lights switch off completely so nothing glows at you all night. The remote sets the direction and how far it swivels, and you can plug a hose in and gently mist yourself outside. Signing up to their newsletter knocked 10% off, and shipping was free.

It is £189.99, which I have chosen not to think about.

By Alister

Norway went out to England in the quarter finals, and Erling Haaland responded by walking off the team plane in Oslo carrying a taxidermied raccoon.

Not in a bag. In his hand, at arm's length, like a man collecting his dog from the vet. It cost him $750 from a western store in Dallas and comes clutching a bottle that every headline calls whiskey and is actually an empty gin.

Then he put the naming to a public vote. Four options on an Instagram poll: Cowboy, Ranger, TEX, or R.O.W., short for Raccoon on Wheels and a nod to the Viking Row celebration that carried Norway through the tournament. R.O.W. was well ahead last I looked.

Knocked out by England and still walked off with the best souvenir of the whole World Cup. Infuriating.

Want a challenge? If you can fit an entire original game onto a single floppy disk, you can win $750. We'll be back next week with another Squabble and fresh game ideas.

Alister & Meridyth