Reusing portable loo waste

ALISTER: I keep hearing "get tougher on youth crime" but where exactly are these kids supposed to go? The govt promised 3,000 neighbourhood police officers by March and youth centres have been gutted for a decade. You can't arrest boredom.

MERIDYTH: Boredom didn't coordinate a mass raid on M&S via Snapchat. These aren't kids with nothing to do, they're kids with no consequences. Parents should face fines when their children are caught looting Percy Pigs. Where is the accountability at home?

ALISTER: Fining families who are already skint doesn't fix anything. The Youth Endowment Fund has shown that early intervention actually reduces youth violence. Lancashire just invested £120k in outreach workers using money seized from criminals. That's the model.

MERIDYTH: Love that, but let's be honest, TikTok is the outreach programme right now and it's recruiting for the wrong side. Parliament has twice rejected a ban on social media for under 16s. How many more flash mobs in Clapham before they act?

ALISTER: Banning social media means you'll need age verification for the entire internet. It’s a mass surveillance system for adults. And like Australia's ban, kids will just use VPNs. You're building a wall they'll walk around in five minutes.

MERIDYTH: So the plan is to do nothing about social media. Then what’s the answer? Do what the chairman of Iceland wants and arm the shops with batons and pepper spray, thereby escalating the violence on our high streets?

April Fools came and went last week with Asda unveiling trolley seats for bored husbands, Domino's pitching a Pot Noodle stuffed crust pizza, and Aldi pretending to launch its own law firm. At this rate, the only real prank is convincing yourself your energy bill isn't a joke. Share AM Squabble with a friend who still falls for it every year.

🇬🇧 Speaking of crime... Sadiq Khan has deployed UK diplomats to rebut Trump’s repeated claims that London is overrun with it. Khan says the data proves otherwise, with homicides at record lows. The White House fired back, calling the city "unrecognisable."

☕ Pay up, price up. The national minimum wage has jumped to £12.71 an hour, benefitting 2.7 million workers. But, some small businesses are panicking with many already feeling the crunch.

⚓ Strait talking. Britain is hosting 35 nations to reopen the Strait of Hormuz. With global oil prices spiraling, Keir Starmer is leading the push for maritime security while certain key leaders stay home (ahem, Trump).

🔓 Click and escape. The govt is cracking down on subscription traps that silently catch millions of Brits into contracts they never wanted. New rules from spring 2027 mean one click cancellations, 14 day cooling off periods, and mandatory reminders before renewals.

🛒 Attack of the cone blockers. Sheffield locals have declared war on Uber Eats delivery robots by spray painting them and blocking them with traffic cones. Residents called the camera covered bots "sinister." Uber called Sheffield "the forefront of British engineering." The bots had no comment.

🙏 Losing their flock. Just 2.6% of under 35s now identify as Church of England, compared to 21% of over 75s. Six in ten young Brits have no religion at all and once they leave, 94% never come back. The CofE isn't facing decline. It's facing extinction. (On the flipside, the U.S. is seeing a sudden increase in catholicism conversion.)

GOOD NEWS… for lunar space travel after Artemis II blasted off in the first crewed Moon mission in over 50 years. BAD NEWS… for U.S. Attorney Pam Bondi after she was sacked by Trump over frustration she wasn't prosecuting his political enemies fast enough… AND for Italy, which failed to qualify for the World Cup for the 3rd straight time. 🤌 ⚽️

🔫 From worst to first. Sweden recorded just 84 homicides in 2025, its lowest in over a decade and down from a peak of 124 in 2020. Gang shootings have more than halved since 2022 after police were given new powers and resources. Sweden went from the EU's gun violence poster child to its biggest success story.

🇪🇸 No fly zone, amigo. Spain has barred US military aircraft from its airspace and bases over the Iran war, calling it "profoundly illegal." Trump responded by threatening to cut off all trade with Spain. NATO's consensus model works beautifully until someone actually disagrees.

🌏 Indonesia shaken. A powerful earthquake in the Molucca Sea triggered tsunami warnings across Indonesia, the Philippines, and Malaysia on Wednesday. Waves reached 75cm in North Sulawesi, one person was killed, and buildings collapsed in Manado.

🇨🇭 Armed and waiting. Switzerland is threatening to ghost its $2 billion U.S. Patriot missile deal. Fed up with delivery delays and funds being redirected, the Swiss are withholding payments until Washington provides a firm timeline, or they might just swipe left.

🧘 Downward dog to the rescue. High-intensity yoga is the ultimate sleep hack, outperforming walking and weights. Just 30 minutes twice weekly can help regulate breathing and brainwaves, finally giving your racing thoughts a much-needed celestial "mute" button.

😴 And why does it matter? Scientists discovered that your brain literally power washes itself while you sleep, flushing out waste through pulsing fluid currents. A new 5-min scan can now track the whole process. The cleaning slows with age, which could explain how the remote ended up in the fridge.

💉 Wegovy saves hearts, not just waistlines. Over 1.2 million people with heart disease will be offered Wegovy on the NHS this summer after trials showed it cuts the risk of heart attacks and strokes by 20%. The benefit kicks in before significant weight loss, meaning the drug works on your heart directly.

✈️ Peak laziness. As security queues in the U.S. airports become longer than the Hyperia ride at Thorpe Park, travelers are now resorting to hiring queue-sitters for $25 an hour. Because why not pay a stranger while you sip an overpriced airport pint???

🤖 Your chatbot has opinions. A Yale study found that AI history summaries subtly shift readers' political views compared to Wikipedia, even when the facts are completely accurate. So the next time you ask a chatbot about the past, it might quietly be shaping your future. 🗳️

🎯 ROI over children. Leaked YouTube chats show employees targeted "viewer addiction" while removing safety features designed to protect kids because… they weren't profitable enough. Internal presentations acknowledged the "infinite feed" was the problem. They built it anyway. A watchdog called it "seeing kids as pawns to make their next trillion."

By Alister

If you loved One Night A Werewolf from a previous Squabble, Find The Imposter is a must-have download for your next gathering.

The concept is dead simple. Pick how many players, pass the phone around, and everyone gets a secret word. Everyone except the imposter, who gets nothing and has to bluff their way through.

Each round you share words linked to the secret one, trying to prove you know it without giving it away. Then comes the accusations, the denials, and the full blown argument. It's glorious.

Available on both iOS and Android, completely free, and brilliant for all ages. Get it on your phone before the next family do.

By Alister

A bit of an emotional one this week. It's the 114th anniversary of the Titanic setting sail from Belfast, and the BBC put together an incredible tribute tying in with their latest show.

The standout? Almost 1,000 drones recreating the ship in the sky above the river. It's haunting, slightly emotional, and genuinely spectacular.

I'm a big fan of drone shows and this one hit every high note.

The Easter school holidays will finally wrap up, meaning parents across the country can stop pretending they enjoy soft play centres. Join next week for another Squabble!

Alister & Meridyth