Priest by day, Raver by night

Meridyth: The Online Safety Act was recently expanded to make cyberflashing and encouraging self-harm priority offences. Platforms now have to preemptively scan and block this stuff using AI. With nearly 4,000 cyberflashing cases since 2024 and 1 in 3 teenage girls getting unsolicited nudes, this couldn’t have come sooner.​

Alister: You're asking Zuckerberg and Elon, the same two who just ditched fact-checkers and rewrote their moderation playbook, to decide what's preemptively "bad"? I'd rather have dodgy content slip through than hand tech billionaires the thought police.

Meridyth: But Ofcom enforces this, not Meta. Platforms already moderate millions of messages daily. WhatsApp bans 300,000+ accounts every month and can scan for illegal content on their servers, like they do for metadata and photos now. They're just being proactive instead of reactive.​​

Alister: The moment you require scanning, you're either breaking encryption or scanning unencrypted data. That's where the nightmare begins. WhatsApp said they'd abandon the UK rather than weaken encryption. Once you mandate that backdoor, hostile governments use it too. You've handed every regime a master key to private messages.

Meridyth: WhatsApp scans metadata and photos right now without breaking encryption. This isn't some permanent Orwellian trap. Ofcom has oversight and courts can force transparency. This is a law with guardrails.​

Alister: Build the scanning tool for cyberflashing and guess what? Next week it's used for "misinformation," the week after for politics. Guardrails don't stick. And hostile regimes won't need to twist WhatsApp's arm, they'll just copy the UK model and demand their own backdoor. Once you invent this, every govt wants it. ​​

The city of Yamagata in Japan has officially been crowned the country's "Ramen Capital" yet again, with data showing the average household slurped their way through a record-breaking amount of noodle soup over the last year. We can't offer you a delicious bowl of tonkotsu, but we can serve up the latest news. Help us feed minds by sharing The AM Squabble!

📉 Empty arrivals. The government’s visa crackdown looks to be working, driving migration to a 20-year low following strict new rules. Britons are also quietly heading for the exits, which is contributing to net migration lows.

😵‍💫 Reverse gear. The Prime Minister has backed down on his flagship digital ID plan following a massive public outcry. It makes you wonder if the only consistent strategy at Number 10 is the strategic retreat.

🚫 Ban hammer. In another u-turn, Starmer has signalled he is "open" to an Australian style ban on social media for those under 16. After seeing the mental health toll on British teens, the PM is ready to follow policies Down Under.

💸 Snatch and grab. London’s mayor is planning a £20+ council tax hike to fund a police crackdown on the city’s phone theft issue. With 117,000 phones stolen last year, City Hall believes it’s crucial, while some residents have raised eyebrows at already high tax bills.

😷 Dickensian delivery. A Tuberculosis outbreak at Amazon’s Coventry warehouse has sparked outrage, with MP Zarah Sultana blasting the "Victorian" conditions. Unions are demanding the site close immediately, but bosses insist on keeping the conveyor belts rolling despite the diagnosis.

GOOD NEWS… for causing confusion and skirting democracy after Trump posted a fake Wiki screenshot of himself as the "Acting President of Venezuela." BAD NEWS… for UK predators after Musk finally conceded to restrict Grok from creating inappropriate and explicit images of real people.

🛂 Closed doors. The Trump administration is slamming the brakes on legal immigration, suspending visa processing for 75 nations next week. The "indefinite pause" targets countries deemed a "public charge" risk, meaning if you aren't rich enough to buy your way in, you're officially not on the guest list.

🚫 Hard pass, mate. The UK has officially slapped down suggestions from France and Italy to restart chats with Putin. Foreign Secretary Yvette Cooper reckons there’s zero proof Vlad wants peace, preferring to send more tanks than engage in a pointless chinwag.

⚠️ Winter warning. Eight people have died in the Austrian Alps after ignoring severe weather alerts. With the avalanche danger level raised to "considerable," mountain rescue teams are pleading with tourists to stay on the marked runs and save the heroics for their après-ski stories.

🧘‍♂️ Five stretches, zero excuses. A yoga expert says a few minutes of daily mobility - twists, lunges, gentle backbends, and legs-up-the-wall - can undo modern sitting damage and support longevity. As someone who suffers from “tech neck,” these sound super easy!

🌿 Wellness goes feral in 2026. Forget spa robes. From rage retreats to glow-cations, self-care is getting louder, colder, and far more elemental with these wellness travel trends. I wouldn’t mind screaming into a void sometimes… 😱⚫️

🥵 Too hot to handle. A study suggests that extreme heat is literally frying kids' brains. Toddlers in areas consistently above 32°C struggle more with basic literacy and numeracy. Nothing to worry about here in gloomy, cold UK! 🌧️

📚 TL;DR Generation. College professors are sounding the alarm that Gen Z students are arriving on campus struggling to read entire books or even complete sentences. Academics are being forced to lower standards because undergraduates lack the stamina for complex texts, raising fears about a workforce that can't focus longer than a TikTok clip.

🐼 Bear necessities. Giant pandas have been downgraded from Endangered to Vulnerable after conservation efforts paid off. The strict bamboo diet and relentless napping may also contribute 😅. Though, experts do warn the species is still not entirely out of the woods (or the zoo).

📱 Put the phone down. Matt Damon has lashed out at modern streaming movies, claiming scripts are being dumbed down for distracted audiences. Writers are forced to constantly restate the plot just in case you missed a key scene while doom-scrolling. (He’s not wrong. Varying reports show 70%-80% Brits use a second screen while watching TV.)

By Meridyth

Gut health became a hot topic after the 2024 docu, Hack Your Health, on Netflix. While I’m not about to eat poop-filled capsules, I have read that adding fibre helps your microbiome. And fibre-led gut health supposedly improves mood and energy, my two biggest issues.

But do you know how much you’re supposed to eat? 30 grams per day! People barely eat half that. But I’m going to try… and I’ll use this space to update you on my progress.

I won’t be eating 100g worth of chia seeds! But I’m thinking almonds and oatmeal might be a good place to start. Wish me luck! (Alister: I’m glad we don’t share a bathroom…)

By Meridyth

Trump has threatened to charge a 10% tariff scaling up to 25% for all European nations (incl UK), who aren’t supportive of his attempts to take Greenland. The EU is considering possible retaliation. POTUS is setting a dangerous precedent and without any real checks to his power, it’s all getting a bit scary.

So to take the edge off… here’s a little levity from Jon Stewart, one of my favourite comedic news commentators.

Oh, and you know the world has gone screwball crazy when even Putin says Greenland belongs to Denmark!

Today is officially "Blue Monday," which is statistically the most depressing day of the year. We recommend combating the gloom by hiding under a duvet with an emergency supply of biscuits... Join us next week for another Squabble to help brighten the mood!

Alister & Meridyth