Luxuriously soft, silk... nappies???

ALISTER: So the answer to a paedophile slipping through checks at Bright Horizons nursery is... more cameras? Just gift-wrapping kids’ faces and routines for hackers again like NurseryCam’s 2021 data breach.

MERIDYTH: The nursery guy was vetted and still had seven years’ access to kids. In other cases, CCTV only revealed repeated abuse after a baby died. If footage had been proactively monitored, harm might’ve been spotted sooner.

ALISTER: Except CCTV isn’t a simple solution. The ICO is already warning nurseries about how risky and messy footage is under UK GDPR. We’re building a safeguarding system on dodgy Wi-Fi and wishful thinking.

MERIDYTH: Tell that to parents begging for CCTV to be mandatory after losing their child. Technical caveats sound very different when you’re on the receiving end of that kind of loss. So what do you think the solution is?

ALISTER: Safeguarding isn’t a true-crime livestream. Incidents being reported are already up ~40%, Ofsted doesn’t even routinely check CCTV. So maybe try funding more staff, more training, and surprise inspections first.

MERIDYTH: That takes money. And while the govt keeps tightening the belt, I’d rather have properly regulated cameras than nothing but crossed fingers.

Scientists have discovered that cows are much craftier than we thought after a pet cow in Austria named Veronika was spotted using a long broom to scratch her own back. It turns out they can use tools with their tongues to reach those tricky itchy spots. We think that’s a pretty mooving discovery, much like sharing The AM Squabble!

☀️ Rooftop revolution. The UK government has finally unveiled its £15bn Warm Homes Plan, offering households thousands in grants for solar panels, batteries, and heat pumps. With a goal to triple solar capacity and lift a million people out of fuel poverty, it is a massive bet on "homegrown" power to end our reliance on pricey imported gas.

🗑️ Britain’s bin mountains. An intensive BBC investigation has revealed that 517 illegal dumps are still blighting the countryside, including 11 "super sites" holding tens of thousands of tonnes of waste. Run by organised crime gangs, these toxic eyesores are leaching pollutants into rivers and causing spontaneous fires. It is a literal rubbish situation!

✈️ Bag to the future. Heathrow has finally ditched the dreaded 100ml liquid limit and the laptop-scramble after a £1bn scanner upgrade. You can now lug up to two litres of gin (or water, we suppose) through security without unpacking your entire life. But just be careful on the return. Your departure airport may not be as advanced.

🥖 Waitrose on watch. The activist group "Take Back Power" is reportedly planning massive Robin Hood-style raids on Waitrose stores across London this March. The group, which famously attacked the Crown Jewels with custard, aims to "clear out" upmarket shelves and redistribute the food to hungry communities. It’s certainly a step up from orange paint!

SLIGHT SIGH OF RELIEF… for Europe after Trump backed down from a Greenland-related tariff war. REALLY F*CKING AWFUL NEWS… for Minneapolitans after Alex Pretti was shot dead 10 times by U.S. immigration officers, 2 weeks after a similar killing of Renee Good.

⚽ Offside intelligence. Trump’s FBI director, Kash Patel, reportedly tried to skip office meetings with MI5 for Premier League tickets and jet skiing during a secret Five Eyes summit. The Liverpool superfan seems to prefers social media "Twitter strategies" and helicopter tours over intel briefings.

🏥 Doctor, heal thyself. A worrying cluster of Nipah virus infections has hit hospital staff in eastern India, sparking fears of human to human transmission. The WHO priority pathogen carries a terrifying fatality rate and has no known vaccine, leaving local authorities frantically tracing contacts to keep the lid on a potential epidemic.

🕊️ Peace-brokering pals. Putin has been invited to join Trump’s controversial new "Board of Peace" to help resolve the conflict in Gaza. While Moscow says it is "considering" the proposal, the move has sent shockwaves through Western capitals, with critics fearing the board is becoming a club for bullies. 😬

🚗 The high road to anxiety. Growing up near a busy main road isn't just a headache for your ears; it could be messing with your mental health. A Finnish study of 114,000 people found that for every 10-decibel increase in traffic noise, the risk of depression jumps by 5 percent. "Tuning out" the sound of buses doesn't mean your brain isn't secretly panicking!

💔 Bouncing back. Forget the old advice to wait six months before dating again. A rebound relationship might actually be your secret weapon for healing. A new study found that those who jumped back into a "situationship" felt more desirable and less stuck in obsessive loops about their ex. So the best way to get over someone is… well, you know the rest!

🍽️ Slow your roll (and your fork). Speed-eating can mess with digestion, spike blood sugar, and trick you into overeating, experts warn. Chew more, ditch screens, and let your brain catch up with your stomach, because dinner isn’t a race.

🍴 London’s top table. Move over Paris and Rome, because London has officially been crowned the world's best food destination for 2026. Tripadvisor’s latest awards prove our capital isn't just about soggy puddings, but an explosion of global cuisines that has seen it top other global hotspots. Who’s up for foie gras in bone marrow foam?

✈️ Thanks for the lift. Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary has sent a cheeky "thank you" to Elon Musk, claiming their online spat has boosted ticket sales by 3%. After being called "insufferable" and an "idiot" by the world’s richest man, in gratitude, O'Leary sent a free flight voucher to Musk’s Dublin office!

🚫 The toll of the trolls. Being a climate scientist is becoming dangerous! 8% of experts report receiving death threats for simply sharing verified data. Women scientists fare worse with 34% facing gender-based abuse compared to just 3% of men. From depression to racist private messages, the barrage of "bot armies" is forcing many to insulate themselves. It’s a grim day for scientific discourse!

By Alister

I hope you were watching the final for The Traitors UK, it was juicy, dramatic, and absolutely unhinged in the best possible way.

This series was an emotional roller-coaster, I have never witnessed this level of psychological warfare. The drama was relentless, and the twists left me screaming (and crying) at my TV.

I spent hours scrolling through online theories, but nothing could have prepared me for that finale. A wild, unpredictable ride that I’m so glad I stayed for. 10 out 10, bring on the next season!

By Alister

It’s time for a good old fashioned classic meme. Thankfully the Beckhams have uncorked a vintage of authentic 2000’s era drama.

Their eldest son, Brooklyn Beckham, has called out his family for their fake, PR managed lifestyle, emotional abuse of his wife, and for Posh Spice “inappropriately” dancing with him at his wedding. Fans have rushed to defend Victoria Beckham by making her solo single Not Such An Innocent Girl the number 1 in the UK and Ireland.

I won’t lie, I’ve been loving the memes and drama. Couldn’t care less about what the millionaires and billionaires are doing in their gilded cages, but I’m glad it’s not just us with the January blues.

International LEGO Day is coming up on Wednesday, so it's the perfect excuse to "help" the kids with their building projects (and then step on a stray brick in the dark). Let’s hope your week is as solid as a well-snapped plastic tower. Join us next week for another Squabble!

Alister & Meridyth