Guinea Pig & Mash, Please

ALISTER: An Indian factory worker said filming her shift to train the robots replacing her, felt like "like mounting a CCTV camera, but on us." Grim framing, but she gets paid, she’ll keep the job for years, and she’s teaching a machine human dexterity.

MERIDYTH: Sure, she's paid for now. But there's no upskilling, no new career, just a camera on her head until a machine's in her chair. And there is no minimum wage for a robot. She’s not being trained. She’s the training.

ALISTER: Investors put over $6bn into humanoids last year and still can't get one to fold laundry reliably. Analysts keep warning they’re nowhere near ready for real production work. She’s got years of paid runway.

MERIDYTH: So your comfort is that the replacement’s running late? And it’s always the worker in India, Nigeria or Argentina doing the filming, never the executive. The whole model runs on people too skint to say no.

ALISTER: Someone has to teach machines the messy real world, and better it comes from workers who get paid than scraped for free. A Berkeley roboticist reckons useful humanoids will take longer than anyone thinks.

MERIDYTH: Better paid than scraped is a low bar for dignity. And it doesn't stop at the factory. A US delivery firm tracks drivers to train the robots that'll replace them. Today it's one woman. Tomorrow it's every job with hands.

Chris Packham joined protesters outside a Pret branch wielding a moving eyed "Frankenwrap" prop, accusing the chain of quietly pushing its 2018 chicken welfare pledge back to 2032. Share this fact and the AM Squabble with anyone addicted to Pret.

🚗 Nigel wants a new motor. An investigation into whether Farage properly declared a mysterious £5m gift could trigger a Clacton byelection. His defence so far is that it is none of anyone's business, and he can spend it on cars if he likes.

🩺 Three years of strikes end. Resident doctors in England have accepted a new pay deal worth an average 4.9% rise this year, rising to 6.6% by 2027, plus thousands of new training places. Barely a majority with a 53% vote, but a majority all the same.

📚 Teachers scrape by. As schools brace to fund part of a new 3.5% teacher pay rise from their own budgets, the Department for Education has separately defended spending £700,000 on influencer marketing. Priorities, apparently.

☢️ Nuclear weapons in Suffolk. Pentagon documents reveal a $4.2bn upgrade to three US airbases in Britain, with new bunkers at RAF Lakenheath apparently designed to store nuclear bombs for the first time since 2008. The government's official policy remains neither confirming nor denying any of it.

👮 Catcall a police officer, get fine. The Met can now issue on the spot £100 penalties for wolf whistling and sexualised comments in the West End, after officers said colleagues dread weekend shifts because of remarks about their uniforms and handcuffs. Turns out flirting with a badge is a bad idea.

GOOD NEWS… for Australians who will get three hours of free daytime electricity thanks to a solar power overproduction, even if you don't own panels yourself. BAD NEWS… for landlines in Finland as the last one rang out, ending a network that began in the 1880s.

💰 Trump earned $2.2bn. New disclosures show the president made $1.4bn from crypto alone last year, and his own supporters largely shrugged it off. One Iowa activist blamed the silence on the heat and school holidays.

👗 Selling your jumpers is easier. Buried in a sprawling EU tax overhaul is a plan sparing over 10 million casual online sellers, think eBay and Vinted declutterers, from awkward reporting rules. Bureaucracy's loss is your wardrobe's gain.

🛢️ AfD wants Putin's gas back on tap. Germany's far right leader Alice Weidel says reopening trade with Russia would fix the economy, as her party dominates polls ahead of two crucial state elections.

⚽ Funny how that works. President Trump called FIFA's Gianni Infantino over a red card given to Folarin Balogun, the USA's top scorer. FIFA reversed it days later, its first U-turn since 1962. Infantino also gave Trump a peace prize last year. Draw your conclusions. 👀

💘 One good trait beats five mediocre ones. Researchers found your brain does not politely average up a partner's qualities when deciding who to date, it lets one standout feature dominate the whole decision. Great cheekbones really can carry a personality.

🦠 Ozempic's secret ingredient is yoghurt. Scientists found the drug's mood boosting effects come from a gut bacterium it helps multiply, the same one found in live yoghurt and kefir. Turns out the cure for the blues was in the fridge the whole time.

🧠 Instagram strangers are your neighbours. Researchers say humans evolved to read status and belonging from small, familiar groups, so modern social media constantly triggers instincts it was never built for. No wonder scrolling feels exhausting.

🚗 Are you invisible to a robotaxi? Self driving cars trialled in London may fail to detect pedestrians depending on their clothing, an autonomy expert told the London Assembly, with winter coats flagged as a particular risk. Maybe wear a hi vis just in case.

👓 Meta's glasses charge you to hear. Owners of Meta's smart glasses must pay $20 a month for more than three hours of "Conversation Focus," a feature that amplifies voices, despite Meta insisting it should never be used as a hearing aid.

📜 A 250 year old secret. Cataloguing old Navy papers, Michael Scurr opened a folded document and realised he was holding one of only 11 surviving copies of the Declaration of Independence printed in New Hampshire. His first words were, "I think you need to come and have a look at this."

By Alister

Fresh strawberries are in season right now, and they are absolutely amazing. Big, juicy, and bright. Who knew me and fruit had so much in common.

The ones I hauled back from Costco this week have been a revelation. Plump, sweet, and gone far quicker than I care to admit. This is the peak of the season too, which means they will never taste better than they do right now.

So do yourself a favour while the sun is out. Grab a punnet, raid your local greengrocer, and eat them by the handful. Even if strawberries alone are not your thing, anything with fresh ones thrown in is a guaranteed winner.

By Alister

One thing people find surprising about me, other than my striking good looks, is my music taste. I am a sucker for a remix, and this one I couldn't keep to myself.

It's a mashup of Skepta and Stormzy with The Vengaboys, and it's far better than it has any right to be. Stick around for the comments too. They're almost as good as the beat.

A couple of the words won't go down well in the office, so enjoy in moderation. SHUT UP, SHUT DOWN!

Next weekend brings the Wimbledon finals, so clear the diary, chill the Pimms, and pretend you understand the scoring. We'll be back in your inbox on Monday with another Squabble.

Alister & Meridyth