Gaudy, garish, obscene, vulgar...

ALISTER: If I wanted shaming over my Deliveroo usage I’d call my mum, not my bank. Monzo literally told a woman she “mainly fast fooded”. Who on earth is asking for this?

MERIDYTH: The wording was brutal, agreed. But a nudge to highlight financial habits can be helpful. Studies show alerts on these habits can cut spending. They were a bit tone deaf this time but reminders do work, especially when it comes to your money.

ALISTER: Sure, but it’s rich getting moral lectures from Monzo, who the FCA fined £21m for weak financial‑crime controls. And they wrongly rejected about a third of fraud‑refund complaints. This all just reinforces why I left Monzo after so many years.

MERIDYTH: And the old guard are saints? RBS and others needed massive taxpayer bailouts after 2008, with tens of billions poured in. The CMA literally forced open banking to boost competition because it was so stale.

ALISTER: I’m pro‑competition, just not faux‑banter. Starling, Chase, and others all score highly without roasting people’s takeaways. Give me perks and financial assistance, not stand-up comedy one-liners.

MERIDYTH: If wrap ups and smart nudges keep people engaged and solvent, I’ll forgive the marketing team after a very long apology tour.

Scientists just identified a 275-million-year-old species with a jaw so completely twisted that researchers initially assumed the fossil was just broken. We all wake up feeling a bit mangled some mornings, but you can easily straighten things out by sharing The AM Squabble!

💷 Gravy train speeds up. MPs will pocket a £110,000 salary by 2029 while the rest of us check down the sofa for spare change. The watchdog blames heavier workloads, but this bumper pay rise lands right before a bleak budget forces everyone else to tighten their belts.

📮 Return to sender. Snail mail is getting pricier as a first class stamp hits £1.80 this April. With letter volumes plunging and delivery costs climbing, Royal Mail is desperately trying to balance the books while attempting to provide a reliable daily service for disgruntled consumers.

🤐 Gagging the truth. South East Water bosses tried to block a damning regulatory report to hide their financial mess. It proves these failing monopolies care far more about protecting fragile investor confidence from a doom spiral than actually fixing our leaky pipes.

🛤️ Track to nowhere. The latest chapter of the £100bn HS2 saga features a newly built two kilometre spur ending abruptly in a Staffordshire field. Taxpayers are funding a useless concrete stump that will gather dust for decades rather than actually connecting northern communities.

📉 Hangover begins. The spectacular implosion of Brewdog proves aggressive expansion and private equity demands rarely mix well. An American firm has scooped up the surviving scraps for £33m as the former unicorn calls time on its doomed global ambitions.

GOOD NEWS… for Canadians tired of changing their clocks. British Columbia is sticking with year-round daylight time. They’ll never need to change the oven clock again. BAD NEWS… for Kristi Noem, the US Homeland Security Secretary, after she was ousted from her job where she was marked by "managerial incompetence" and a questionable $220m ad campaign.

⚡ Gotta catch nobody. The US government is using Pikachu to peddle its political agenda and Pokémon is furious. After repurposing a beloved children's game to promote a brutal deportation drive, Trump's team is facing severe backlash for plastering the yellow mouse across official internet memes.

✈️ Explosive international deliveries. A coordinated investigation reveals Russian military intelligence likely orchestrated a series of cargo fires across Europe. With test packages intercepted before reaching North America, this covert sabotage campaign presents a terrifying threat to global supply chains.

⚓ Diplomatic deep water. America is casually expanding its Middle Eastern war all the way to Sri Lanka by torpedoing an Iranian frigate. The doomed vessel was merely sailing home from an Indian naval exhibition before becoming an unexpected submarine target.

😭 Go on, have a cry. Science says frequent crying signals emotional intelligence, not weakness. Tears trigger feel-good endorphins, relieve stress, and help you bond with others. Experts say there is no such thing as crying too much. So have at it!

🛒 Sizzling market shift. Health conscious consumers are driving a major market correction as sales of traditional bacon plummet by seven percent. Shoppers are happily paying a premium for chemical free alternatives to avoid pesky cancer risks at breakfast.

🏥 Mothers betrayed. A damning report into NHS maternity wards has exposed a horrifying culture of bullying and racism. With baby deaths deliberately misclassified to dodge scrutiny, sweeping changes are desperately needed across England's failing hospitals.

🛒 Forget dinner dates, try the supermarket. "Choremancing" is the latest TikTok dating trend where you skip the restaurant and meet at a grocery store instead. It's cheaper, less awkward, and handily doubles as a compatibility test. If they can't pick a decent avocado, consider it a red flag. 🚩

💔 Pricey swipe right. Tinder is coughing up a massive $60.5m after being caught charging mature singletons double for premium features. The dating giant settled a decade long lawsuit for shamelessly exploiting older romantics simply because they are over thirty and seeking love.

🦭 Cute but deadly. Our beloved British grey seals have developed a sudden taste for murder. Experts are utterly baffled as these blubbery coastal icons have started hunting and eating common dolphins off Wales and Devon.

By Meridyth

Do you use AI to help you with comparison shopping? What prompt do you use? Most people probably simply ask, “What’s the best value TV?” without adding much context. But context is absolutely key.

Recently, I asked Claude to help me vet a handful of TVs from Costco that suited my needs. I started by using those classic question words. Who am I buying it for? (Me & my family for movie nights primarily)… What specifically am I looking for? (50-60” Smart TV for roughly £XX)… Where will it live? (In a very bright living room)… Why am I buying? (Because my current & beloved Samsung’s colours are fading)… When is the best time to buy?

And finally, I highly recommend asking AI, “What other buying factors should I consider?” and “What kind of buyer’s remorse might I have?” You’ll be surprised at what it tells you AND it will help manage your expectations.

By Meridyth

Don’t quite understand what all the hubbub is around Prince Andrew? No worries, there’s a claymation video for that… with 8.2 million views!

The account @claysplained has only 4 video posts, but they’re brilliant! The explanation of the Referendum (aka Brexit) is also quite good.

Don't forget it is Mothering Sunday this weekend, giving you exactly six days to find a present and pretend you have had it organised for months… Join us next week for another Squabble, and maybe a gentle reminder to call your mum!

Alister & Meridyth