Bad, Autopilot, bad!

ALISTER: Did you see that nearly half of NHS trusts are deploying senior nurses to cover doctor gaps? Good. With over 7,600 medical vacancies in secondary care alone, someone has to show up. Advanced nurse practitioners already hold master's level qualifications.

MERIDYTH: Nurses train for 3-5 yrs. Doctors train for 10-15. That gap exists for a reason. One woman died at 30yo because a physician associate misdiagnosed her blood clot twice. We can’t simply shuffle roles around to address patient care.

ALISTER: The death was tragic, but the answer can’t be to leave wards empty. It’s been shown that senior nurses produce comparable outcomes to doctors across primary and secondary care. But you’re right, there needs to be national standards around how they're deployed.

MERIDYTH: That study only showed nurses working within their scope. Some trusts are even letting them hold crash bleeps for life-threatening emergencies, which are usually reserved for the most senior doctor.

ALISTER: The BMA can't simultaneously complain about seven applicants for every training post and block the only qualified people willing to plug tonight's gaps, people are willing and desperate to help! A senior nurse with a decade of critical care experience standing next to a consultant isn't a disaster. It's called a team.

MERIDYTH: Even the Nursing Council confirmed last month that advanced nurses aren’t substitutes for doctors. This isn't about undervaluing nurses. It's about the patients knowing who’s treating them and what they're actually qualified to do. Right now, many don't.

Organisers of the Cumbria Nature Festival felt compelled this week to issue an official clarification that their event is, in fact, not for nudists. If you found that sentence as delightful as we did, share the AM Squabble with someone who needs it in their life.

🏠 Illegal either way. A Telegraph investigation found London landlords advertising "Muslim only" flats on Facebook, Gumtree and Telegram, which are a breach of the Equality Act 2010 that bans religious discrimination. The same law that makes "no Muslims" ads illegal also makes "Muslims only" ads illegal. Landlords face fines of up to £7,000.

🚇 TfL's worst ever data breach. A TfL HR worker and her hubbie used colleagues' passport numbers, NI numbers and bank details to file 139 fake tax rebate claims worth £649,000, losing HMRC £433,000. Both were jailed for 3yrs 9mos.

🔌 Plug-in solar is coming. Britain is legalising balcony solar panels. No electrician, no planning permission, no scaffolding need with Lidl and Amazon among retailers lined up to sell them this summer. Up to £25m will go to low-income households to get them free. Germany already has over a million of these plugged in. The UK is catching up.

🏠 London’s going backwards. The city’s house prices have fallen for the 7th consecutive month, down 3.3% to an average of £542,000. Westminster dropped 12%, Kensington and Chelsea 11%. Meanwhile the rest of the UK is up 0.9%. The Iran war, inflation fears, stamp duty and the end of the non-dom regime are all doing their work.

🚬 The last generation of smokers. The UK's Tobacco and Vapes Bill has passed, which means that anyone born after 2008 will never legally be able to buy cigarettes. The legal purchase age rises by one year, every year, from 2027. Farage called it "plainly idiotic." It was originally Rishi Sunak's idea.

GOOD NEWS… for a pause on bombing after Trump announced a ceasefire extension with Iran to allow for peace negotiations. BAD NEWS… for peace negotiations after Trump cancelled Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner’s trip to Pakistan for talks with Iran.

🇧🇬 Bulgaria's 8th election in five years. Former president Rumen Radev won a landslide with nearly 45% of the vote, raising hopes of stable government at last. The catch: he opposes arming Ukraine, wants to resume Russian energy imports, and Moscow personally congratulated him.

🏠 14 yrs of wages for a house. Spain's property market is running at 17% annual growth while wages flatline. Young Spaniards now need up to 14 yrs of full salary to buy a home, up from 3 yrs historically. Foreign buyers made up 14% of all sales in 2025.

🇭🇺 A very awkward invite. New Hungarian PM-elect Péter Magyar reversed his predecessor's red carpet welcome of the Israel leader, saying he’ll detain Netanyahu if he enters the country. One slight hitch. Magyar already invited him to Budapest for an Oct ceremony. Netanyahu had accepted.

🇨🇦 Canada's break-up speech. PM Carney told Canadians that US trade ties that were once a strength are now a "weakness." Hoping for a return to normal is not a strategy. So he's diversifying into China, Europe and beyond. Trump called it "nuts" saying that "Canada lives because of the United States. Remember that, Mark."

😬 PE, the trauma that keeps on giving. About 4 million Brits aged 50 to 65 who used to dread PE lessons are now put off exercise for life. The nation's ageing inactivity problem looks to be traced back to a cold Tuesday afternoon in a sports hall.

👃 Sniffing out a younger brain. There might be nasal spray that actually reverses brain ageing. It uses tiny vesicles to douse inflammatory fires and recharge cellular batteries, turning elderly, foggy minds back into sharp, high-performance engines. Not yet in clinical trials, but potentially good news.

🤗 A hug you remember forever. Scientists have discovered why a hug stays with you while a handshake is forgotten. Meaningful touch creates a physical "echo", reactivating your emotional and bodily states years later. Digital interaction just won't cut it.

🎙️ The marketing team has lost the plot. Prego pasta sauce has teamed up with a non-profit to sell a £15 microphone-in-a-jar-lid that records your dinner table convos for posterity. Opt-in and your family bickering goes to the British Library. Only 100 units available. They come with a jar of sauce.

🎭 Shrinking audiences. SNL UK is going viral with 86 mil social views, a Princess Diana sketch as the most-watched on YouTube, and Lorne Michaels calling it "smarter, funnier, more original" than the US version. But TV viewers are down 30% since the premiere. The terms "going viral" and "being watched" seem to mean different things.

✈️ The plane ditched them. A Ryanair flight to Marrakech departed leaving behind its 192 passengers at a French airport. Why? The entire airport security team had called in sick! So what’s a plane to do to stay on schedule… fly anyway, I guess. Waiting for staff would have caused the crew to time out. Classic.

By Meridyth

The London Marathon brought thousands of onlookers and runners all over the world to the capital yesterday. Such an admirable feat of strength and endurance. Will I ever run it? Hell no!

Never mind the fact I lack the self-motivation to train for one. But I absolutely detest the fundraising component - asking friends and family for money to fund something that you’ve chosen to do, for your own gratification.

Yeah, yeah, the money is going to a good cause, but don’t pretend you’re doing it for charity. It’s for personal achievement, which I do 100% applaud. Just don’t wrap it in some altruistic bow. Be honest… I’ll respect you more for it. 😅

By Meridyth

And in case anyone else was shocked to hear that Russell Brand is running for London mayor in 2028…

(Just trying to get SNL UK’s social views to 90 million… 🤣)

Next Monday will be the Early May bank holiday! Which means you’ll be able to join us next week for another Squabble from the comfort of your bed!

Alister & Meridyth